I Was Meant for Her

I've always been headstrong. I'm loud, self-righteous, straightforward, and overly analytical. I tell it like it is, even when it's not what you want to hear. I'm pretty strict with my kids (well, what strict is nowadays), I don't like whiners, and will stand up for myself and others no matter the consequences. I've been successful at whatever job I've chose but never quite found my own niche...until Scarlett.

Some of these attributes aren't pretty and I know it. However, they have suited me quite well in this new lifestyle. I won't back down any longer with doctors who want to play it safe or look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them how to do their job. I have learned that the right thing to do isn't comfortable or easy but well worth it. I have even less desire to be around people who can't be happy with the blessings in their lives which, not only do they take for granted, but see things so bleakly.

I was one of those people too. Upon Scarlett's E-vac to BCCH, where I finally received the news I felt in my heart, I took fifteen minutes, went outside and cried for her, and for me. But crying doesn't solve anything and makes your mascara run so I shook it off and chose to be there for my daughter. Yes, chose because there is a choice. I chose to love her come hell or high water. I chose to learn everything about her and how to care for her so I could do it myself. I chose her over the easy road. I chose her over everything else. I chose her.

Now, I don't believe in God or a higher power per say. I mean really, how do I know which one is the right one and there are far too many things that I'd rather believe in that a god who may or may not be real. That being said, I truly believe that I was meant for Scarlett. Yeah, yeah, cart before the horse? Well maybe. With all of my aforementioned attributes how can I not be meant for her?  Now, I am comfortable with me. I can be at peace with all my personality traits that I used to see as negative because they are positively the reason why I can do this without looking back, without fear or worry of what comes next if I make a wrong move. And yeah, I do make mistakes. A lot. But don't tell my husband because it took a long time to get him to believe I'm always right!

I still have those moments where I want to break down and cry. But I don't. I have to suck it up or life will spiral out of control and oooooooh, I love control haha. I don't have those "why me?" moments, I know why and I am so thankful that I am Scarlett's mom.