Ever heard that your mood is dependent upon who you hang around with? If you posse up with depressing people you start to brood. If you mix with happy people you walk around with a smile. It's true, you know. We are influenced by the feeling of others and sometimes don't even know it.
I have been feeling a bit erratic lately and I think it's because of Scarlett. She's influencing me and I just clued in (ya, I'm slow off the start~imagine that!). I don't want to say she's moody but man, can she ever flip the "happy to sad", "screaming to happy" switch fast! The saying "Ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy" should actually be "Ain't nobody happy if Scarlett ain't happy"! If she's screaming and gagging and pissy we all pay the price. No one can be fed, taken anywhere, or sleep for god's sakes! If she's happy we all get our rest, have time to spend with each other, and eat a hot meal...maybe even together!
Scarlett isn't the most stable, whether it's her health or moods, but she's been wicked lately. I believe that her behavior is the reason why I'm such a mess the last few weeks and my mood has been influencing others...trickle down theory I guess. Perhaps that's why I can't articulate why she's not herself, there's nothing to define or words to say exactly why she seems off. I felt this way when she was 2 months old and it took 6 months for a doctor to stop and look at her the way I do, to listen to her the way I have, and there was no "real" reason for me to feel that way when she was 2 months old but I did. I knew when I passed her over for the first MRI that there was something permanent, and not fixable happening to her. I was right. I've brought her into the doctor office on a Friday (over 6 months ago) because I knew she had an ear infection but nothing could be found. By the following Wednesday, we were in our local ER and she was in dire straights requiring oxygen, steroids, antibiotics, nebulizers and I told the doctor "I told you so". I was right again. Same feeling applies here I guess. Scarlett is normal (for her) and there's "nothing wrong" with her. But I feel like there is and, here I am yet again, trying to figure out why I think she's in trouble. You'd think I'd have it down pat by now but obviously I don't and if I have one more patronizing "There, there. You're just tired." or " Sure you do honey." I'm gonna cut someone. Seriously. I know how crazy I come across when the tests say she's fine and I'm saying she's not. I understand how I look so overtired and that's why people think I'm on the edge. I am overtired. I am worn down. Hey, I'm not saying I'm not. But being frazzled doesn't mean I'm wrong, either. Being right so many times before doesn't mean I'm right this time around too.
So here I am, trying to weed out what's going on with her while I'm fighting fatigue, hunger (like she's gonna let me eat), confusion, daily life full of a tween's headstrong arguments, three year old melt downs and dishes. Maybe that's why I can't figure her out; I'm not capable of fully listening to what she's saying, just enough to know there's something screwing with her but not enough to make it better (if I can). I'm surprised I haven't been committed yet! Oh well, off to start another day :)
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