Make it stop!

He's been crying for an hour. It's traumatic. I can't make it stop. I used the wrong knife to cut my three year old's chocolate chip pancakes and now my bad knife decision has left me in kiddie hell. While rocking my disabled daughter in my arms I try to bargain with Carson, reason with him, all to no avail. I need more coffee. I can't work under these conditions.

I must get my oldest up for school (isn't it amazing how he can sleep through all this racket?). Cole's 9 and he was up at 12:40am telling me he's not tired enough for bed. Ha. I had to haul his lazy ass out of bed this morning and he's eating cold pancakes because he's too tired to know they have to be heated. All the while I'm rocking my baby girl, who looks like she might be having a few absence seizures (is it any wonder? I feel like having some too from all the chaos).

I'm tired. Scarlett finally fell asleep last night around 1am and was back up at 4am, then Carson up at 6:15 and her (again) at 6:20am. Her acute insomnia is going to kill me. I need more coffee. As I turn on her feeding pump (she's g-tube fed) I feel something oozing on my leg. Ooops. I didn't close the medication port after giving her morning meds. Internal struggle...how much medication leaked out? Is it just the food that came out or some of the drugs? How much? Do I re-dose her to keep the seizures at bay? I just upped her night meds and need to watch if the seizures are still there but now will she be having them because of this morning's snaffu or because the meds need to be increased in the morning too? AArrrgggg. Too many variables. No, I won't re-dose and wait for a week. Remember to close that damn port from now on.

I need a sitter. I need sleep. I won't make it tonight when my husband is working if I don't get a nap. That means finding a sitter now. Good I have one coming at 2:30 but that also means I can't be wake for Cole and his homework. Crap. So much for hanging out with Carson this afternoon. And Scarlett's asleep but needs to be feed or her whole routine is screwed for tonight. Crap crap. Gotta wake her now I guess (sad face/tear). There goes peace and quiet. Did I eat yet? Think I'll have a cookie. And more coffee.