I Saw You Today

I saw you today. I was standing waiting for the microwave so I could heat your food that you eat through a tube. As I was waiting for my turn, I saw a vibrant little girl with beautifil long blonde hair. She was wonderful. She was lost in her child exuberance while I tired not to stare. I asked her mom how old she was and she said she just turned three. You are three too. The longer I sat there the harder I hurt. In her perfect little way she reminded me of you. She reminded me that the three year old you I grieved years ago was still in my mind. She made me see the you that I didn't even know I missed. She brought out feelings I long locked away, stuipdly thought were gone. I mourned for your lost life of freedom and normalcy. She reminded me how perfect you would have been if you could have been able to run, talk, eat. It hit me like a truck how much I missed the you that never has existed and it made me sadder still that I missed you like that. I saw the you that you will never be and the freedom of being born without your illness and it stings. I love you so much and you amaze me at every turn but I miss the you I knew before I was privy to the circumstances of your health. I saw you today and it hurt.